木蘭當馬騎

什麼是木蘭當馬騎?
為何可以被馬騎

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木蘭當馬騎


木兰诗（淫淫版)
Mulan Ballad (lecherous version)

唧唧復唧唧，木蘭當馬騎，
clicky-clack 'n' clicky-clack; Mulan rides a horse
不聞吱嗚聲，唯聞女喘息
hearing no birds chirp; loud's a girl's gasp
問女何所溼？問女何所溢？
ask why she's wet; ask for whom she oozes
女亦無所溼，女亦無所溢
not that i'm wet, not that i'm oozing
昨夜見帳冊，賓館大點收，
yesterday wot the scroll, the morgue counts deads to-be
帳單十二卷，卷卷有爺名
voluminous are twelve tomes, every tome's got dad's name
阿爺無銀兒，木蘭無長胸，
dad has no money, Mulan's got no jumbo boobs
願為市鞍我，從此被人征
may the city takes me, to be served henceforth
東市買灌強，西市買黃瓜，
Market East i buy douche, Market West cucumbers
南市買蠟燭，北市買皮鞭
Southen Market i buy candles, while the North brought me whips

朝辭爺娘去，暮宿黃河邊，
morn farewell mom 'n' pa, eve lodge'd Yellow river bank
不聞爺兒喚女生，但聞黃色男女嗚嗯
hear not sounds of parents calling their daughter,
but the carnal cries of men and a woman
旦辭黃河去，暮至黑山頭，
morn log off Yellow river, eve arrive'd black mountain foot
不聞爺兒召女生，但見燕山胡騎嘿咻咻
hear not sounds of parents bidding their daughter,
but the wild riders puff 'n' pant
萬里赴戎雞，關門爽若飛，
ten thousand miles of military fuck; behind doors pleasure trips sublime
極樂天蠍椅，螢光小夜衣。
scorpio-orgasmo seat; fluorescent lingere
將軍百戰死，壯士十來回。
expired generals numbers in hundreds, heroic men recharged tens of rounds
歸來生兒子，天子騎明堂，
on return a son is born, elevates to heroic post
連續十二爽，賞賜千百男
non-stop cum twelve times, rewarding thousands of men
可汗問所慾？木蘭不要尚書郎，
emperor asked her what she wants, Mulan wants no bookworm
願借猛駝千里騎，送我到天堂
give me a hard camel ride, send me to nirvana

爺兒聞女來，出門灑豆漿，
dad heard daughter's home-coming, went out 'n' sprayed milk
阿姊聞妹來，當戶理皮裝
older sis heard home-coming, forthwith donned on leather
小弟聞姊來，磨槍霍霍上豬羊
little brother heard home-coming, horning towards farm pigs
開我菊花門，坐我電動床，
open my bedroom door, sit on my rumble bed
脫我黑皮袍，著我洞洞裝
doff my black leather cape, don my peekaboo gown
當初惹淋病，如今內褲黃，
i had contracted syphillis, now it colored my panties
出門看夥伴，夥伴皆驚惶
go outdoor to meet fellows, comrades are all shocked
同床十二年，不知木蘭是變性郎？！
twelve years sharing bunks, and we didn't know Mulan's a transsexual?!
雄兔腳撲朔，雌兔眼迷離，
male hares walk-a-hobbit, female hares have befuddled eyes
兩兔傍地走，安能辨我是雄雌？
a couple hares running along, how can you tell what's my sex?


原版：


木蘭辭
唧唧復唧唧，木蘭當戶織，不聞機杼聲，惟聞女歎息。
問女何所思？問女何所憶？女亦無所思，女亦無所憶。
昨夜見軍帖，可汗大點兵；軍書十二卷，卷卷有爺名。
阿爺無大兒，木蘭無長兄，願為市鞍馬，從此替爺征。

東市買駿馬，西市買鞍韉，南市買轡頭，北市買長鞭。
旦辭爺孃去，暮宿黃河邊，不聞爺孃喚女聲，但聞黃河流水聲濺濺。
旦辭黃河去，暮宿黑山頭，不聞爺孃喚女聲，但聞燕山胡騎聲啾啾。

萬里赴戎機，關山度若飛，
朔氣傳金柝，寒光照鐵衣。
將軍百戰死，壯士十年歸。
歸來見天子，天子坐明堂，策勳十二轉，賞賜百千強。
可汗問所欲，木蘭不用尚書郎，願借明駝千里足，送兒還故鄉。

爺孃聞女來，出郭相扶將；阿姊聞妹來，當戶理紅妝；
小弟聞姊來，磨刀霍霍向豬羊。
開我東閣門，坐我西閣床；脫我戰時袍，著我舊時裳；
當窗理雲鬢，對鏡帖花黃。出門看火伴，火伴皆驚惶：
同行十二年，不知木蘭是女郎。

雄兔腳撲朔，雌兔眼迷離，兩兔傍地走，安能辨我是雄雌？

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